BREAKING! House Speaker Race won by Recently Discovered Black Hole

WASHINGTON D.C. - On Wednesday, after days of political deadlock the House of Representatives has finally chosen a Speaker. Gaia BH1, a black hole discovered by scientists this past summer, has been elected Speaker of the House for the 118th Congress.

Gaia ran on the Trumplican ticket, in a Special Election to fill the seat in Virginia's 4th Congressional District following the death of Rep. Donald McEachin. Campaigning on the slogan of "your morals are here," Gaia coasted to an easy victory on the votes of caucasian white women in the suburbia and duchy urban finance bros from Richmond.

"Gaia is an unstoppable force in this galaxy," said Congresswoman Lauren Boebert. "They are just what Congress and the country need at this moment!"

"Gaia's ability to mindlessly and relentlessly, devour and destroy everything in its path will play well with the Freedom Coccus," exclaimed Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene.

Gaia also won the praise of Democrat Chuck Schumer and outgoing Speaker Nancy Pelosi. Said Pelosi, "I don't think Gaia can crush the hopes and dreams of young Americans the same way I can, but they are welcome to try."

At press time, Gaia had swallowed two-thirds of the Republican coccus and one-third of the Democratic coccus before heading to the bathroom to huff rails with Congressman Matt Gaetz.